37 for 37

After 30 you kind of forget how old you are. Now that I'm in my "late" 30s the big 4-0 is looming over my head and I'm more aware of my age than I have been in years. Heaven help me.

Missing from my life these past few years has been a sense of mini-adventure. Sure I've been to some new continents and had some pretty incredible experiences. But, this year, I want to go back to the times where I had fun goals and did silly things that I want to do but forget about on a boring Saturday night. I want to do things that I know I should do but never get around to.

Thus! I am resurrecting the birthday list! I herby present my list of 37 things I'll do in my 37th year to make this year great!

37 for 37

1. Attend the Albuquerque Balloonfest
2. Knit a fat chunky scarf
3. Eat at The Blue Bayou
4. Go to NFR
5. Get in touch with my college/mission friends
6. Read the 5 oldest books on my Goodreads "to read" list
7. Ride a horse 
8. Completely unpack and purge my house
9. Watch Frozen
10. Take a cooking class
11. Complete a watercolor painting
12. Go to a play at Spring Mountain Ranch
13. Go to a play at the Smith Center
14. Make a rugby calendar
15. Go on bike rides
16. Have a spa day
17. Go to Washington DC
18. Go hiking
19. Run a race
20. Have a game night
21. Go for Dim Sum
22. Have a Murder Mystery party
23. Go geocaching
24. Go to Roos'n'More
25. Volunteer at a local charity
26. Have a book drive
27. Have a SingStar night
28. Eat at a TripleD restaurant
29. Get my piano tuned
30. Have a monthly personal budget meeting
31. Go camping
32. Spend an entire day speaking in a fake accent
33. Get a physical
34. Make a Fairy Garden
35. Go to Brazil
36. Lose 37 lbs
37. Get married

Currently...

LISTENING:  to the sound of the newly repaired air conditioner cooling down the house again. cool air never felt so good.

EATING: carrots, celery and ranch dip. trying to be healthy but the ranch is probably negating my efforts.

DRINKING: nothing. should be drinking water! one can never get enough water in the desert.

WEARING: noon and i'm still in my pajamas. not proud of myself in this moment.

READING: just finished "downward facing death" (the best worst book ever) this morning and will begin "speaking from among the bones" this afternoon. having so much time to read is heavenly.

FEELING: a bit lost having no schedule, no need to be anywhere and unsure what to do with myself all day.

WEATHER: hot and muggy with a healthy dose of smokey air. poor mount charleston is still ablaze. prayers for those fighting the fire.

WANTING: to blog about all my Swazi adventures.

NEEDING: to study grammar. prepping to teach 5th grade next year is overwhelmingly daunting. they know more than me!

WISHING: i were back in Africa with my 16 new best friends amongst the wonderful Swazi people.

THINKING: about organizing a humanitarian project benefitting Swazi children. 

ENJOYING: the comforts of home and the ease of living in America. many thanks to my bff for letting me stay with her and thus saving me from being legitimately homeless.

LOVING: "new girl" is now on Netflix. enough said.

24 Saviors and One Who Changed My Life

"Teaching."

I didn't even know what I was saying. He asked me what I was passionate about. I thought and thought some more but nothing came to mind. And then I said it. Teaching.

Was this true? Was this the one thing I was truly passionate about? Even after saying it I still didn't believe it.

---

"Are you hiring?"

I filled out the application and didn't hear anything for a month. And then in a whirlwind week of events I had an interview, got offered the job and started my new career. I didn't even have time to catch my breath. I couldn't wrap my head around it. It was surreal. I was about to enter my new life as a kindergarten teacher.

---

Fast forward three months and I can now say without hesitation that I am passionate about teaching. I get excited to go to work everyday. I am hopelessly in love with 24 children that I spend my days with. I have a co-teacher who, through simply living her life, has helped me to reevaluate my relationship with God and my commitment to my faith.

The hardest part of this new adventure is learning to let go of old dreams. It is a major paradigm shift to accept that the dreams of just a few months ago are no longer what I want and need for my future. I'm letting go of what I wanted and worked for because I realize I no longer want that.

I want my 24 little babies. I want to help them become the best people they can become. I need their hugs. I need to celebrate their accomplishments. There is nothing better than their hugs. I will never tire of the notes and pictures they give me. I am hopelessly in love.

Almost accidentally, I found my passion.

This never gets old.

Right Now

DIGGING: Having money in the bank

DRINKING: Ice water. Always ice water.

EATING: Dark chocolate with sea salt and almonds

LISTENING: Soundtrack to Le Fabuleux Destin D'Amélie Poulain

WEARING: UGG slippers (heaven!), amazing new sweatpants from Walmart (that I want to die in), t-shirt, ancient sweater coat from Old Navy (wouldn't be caught dead wearing this outside of the house)

READING: Divergent by Veronica Roth

FEELING: Ready to get in bed (and it's only 9pm)

WEATHER: Always sunny and never warm enough (sometimes I think I'll never be warm again)

WANTING: To go snowboarding with my Utah people

NEEDING: Ten more hours in each day to tackle my to-do list

WISHING: My car wasn't at the mechanics and that it is an easy, inexpensive (yeah, right) fix

THINKING: About my spring break and summer plans

ENJOYING: Weekly institute classes and digging deeper into the scriptures

LOVING: Spending my days with 24 awesome kindergarteners

Calm amidst the Storm

Today was not a good day. In fact, today was a really horrible, no good day. Stupid things happened. Frustrating things happened. Infuriating things happened. And I felt the stress of it all. And I cursed. And I cried. And I couldn't understand why so many bad things have to happen to me all of the time.

And then I stopped. And I watched. And I remembered that, this is life. It's ok if it's hard. It's supposed to be hard. But that doesn't mean I have to be hardened. So I quit whining.

I am not alone in this. I have angels all around me. We all do. We are each others angels. And if I really look, I see miracles. I know Heavenly Father is actively participating in my life. If I pause, and look, I can see His hand in my life every single day. When I acknowledge the love and support I feel each day from my friends, my family and my Father in Heaven, in that moment I truly feel peace, even if it is amongst the storm.

you really must watch these. they are amazing.





*Many thanks to me and ma vie for the reminder

random... not randon

calle strand. he's pretty. google him.

6 batches of zucchini bread later... i have a lot of zucchini bread.

16 more days til maui/oahu.

i made some homemade halloween decorations (at home).

after 2 runs i can confidently refer to myself as a runner again. i'll never be a great runner. but i'll never not be a runner.

i'm probably not back for good

why is it that every time i say "i'm baaack!" i'm not really back?

perhaps it's all just wishful thinking... or wishful speaking, as it were.

so, what's what? good question.

life continues in an extended holding pattern. after 3 years, i still answer "i don't know" when my mother asks me what i'm going to do about my life. and yet, i feel change creeping over the horizon. good change? to be determined.

i may be orphaned. i may be relocated. i may be happier. i may be lonelier. i may be poorer (as if that were actually possible). but what i will be doing is going forward. daring to change. and it scares me to death and excites me to no end.

the important thing is this:

to be able, at any moment,

to sacrifice what we are

for what we could become.

-charles dubois

any one still here?

hello my pretties,
i just wanted you to know that my life just changed big time. like, my life will seriously never, ever be the same. and i'm so pumped about it i'm using words like 'pumped'.

so i just wanted to let you know that i'll be here more often. and i was also wondering if anyone was still here. anyone? (echo... echo...)

for an idea of what's new head on over to the photo blog... but not until after i've posted about my weekend. here's a hint:
photo via

33 for 33

I was sorely tempted to put "steal a baby" on this list (I've got my eye on a few of them) but I decided to keep things legal (at least for the time being).

1. read the Book of Mormon in french
2. ride a horse
3. take my mom to Italy
4. blog... regularly
   
5. run 5 races
6. get medical insurance
7. piece a quilt
8. go to Disneyland
9. watch Gone With The Wind
10. get out of debt
11. go hiking
12. meet my adorable, nice neighbor across the path
    
13. buy new boots
14. go to boston
15. learn to shoot film
    
16. form a running group (for slow people)
    
17. go longboarding
18. go skiing
19. go to an aquarium
20. go to a museum
21. have a dinner party
22. go to the Getty Villa
23. bake bread
24. fit into all the jeans in my closet
25. finish reading the Little House on the Prairie series
26. go to a pawn shop
27. go camping
28. buy from bountiful baskets
29. have a "shooting strangers" day
    
30. do a 52 week photo challenge
31. skype with a far away friend
32. memorize a few songs on the piano
33. move (to austin. or australia.)

I can't remember how old I am

Today is my birthday.

It's very convenient to start a new year and a new age at the same time. I celebrate a new year on January 1st and January 3rd. I've always loved my birth date.

Looking back on this year the thing I remember most is that I went to work. Then when I got off of work I went to work again, just at a different job. Then when I got off work again, I went home and worked more. I remember exhaustion. I remember a lot of tears. I remember feeling completely lost. I remember feeling like I'd lost myself, my sense of humor, my ability to have fun, my ability to manage my life. I remember feeling a lot like this.

But, I also remember a family I can't get enough of, parents who were more understanding and compassionate than I ever knew they could be, sisters and friends who'd walk to hell and back with me just so I'd have a shoulder to cry on, friend's parents who worry about me like I am one of their own, a bishop who let me cry about my job/financial/life situation every time I walked into his office and never made me feel embarrassed about it, a friend who loved me without even knowing my name (may she rest in peace), being able to simultaneously call 3 different people my 'best friend'. I remember Switzerland & Spain, puzzles and pictures. I remember being happy. I remember being hopeful.

Thank you, 2010.

In 2011, 33 year old me will nurture my spirituality, work less, work smarter, have more fun, lots more fun, be more adventurous, take care of my body, take care of my home and take the one big risk I was too scared to take in 2010.

The first song I listened to in 2011 and my theme song for the year: