Today was not a good day. In fact, today was a really horrible, no good day. Stupid things happened. Frustrating things happened. Infuriating things happened. And I felt the stress of it all. And I cursed. And I cried. And I couldn't understand why so many bad things have to happen to me all of the time.
And then I stopped. And I watched. And I remembered that, this is life. It's ok if it's hard. It's supposed to be hard. But that doesn't mean I have to be hardened. So I quit whining.
I am not alone in this. I have angels all around me. We all do. We are each others angels. And if I really look, I see miracles. I know Heavenly Father is actively participating in my life. If I pause, and look, I can see His hand in my life every single day. When I acknowledge the love and support I feel each day from my friends, my family and my Father in Heaven, in that moment I truly feel peace, even if it is amongst the storm.
why is it that every time i say "i'm baaack!" i'm not really back?
perhaps it's all just wishful thinking... or wishful speaking, as it were.
so, what's what? good question.
life continues in an extended holding pattern. after 3 years, i still answer "i don't know" when my mother asks me what i'm going to do about my life. and yet, i feel change creeping over the horizon. good change? to be determined.
i may be orphaned. i may be relocated. i may be happier. i may be lonelier. i may be poorer (as if that were actually possible). but what i will be doing is going forward. daring to change. and it scares me to death and excites me to no end.
hello my pretties, i just wanted you to know that my life just changed big time. like, my life will seriously never, ever be the same. and i'm so pumped about it i'm using words like 'pumped'.
so i just wanted to let you know that i'll be here more often. and i was also wondering if anyone was still here. anyone? (echo... echo...)
for an idea of what's new head on over to the photo blog... but not until after i've posted about my weekend. here's a hint: photo via
I was sorely tempted to put "steal a baby" on this list (I've got my eye on a few of them) but I decided to keep things legal (at least for the time being).
read the Book of Mormon in french
ride a horse
take my mom to Italy
blog... regularly
run 5 races
get medical insurance
piece a quilt
go to Disneyland
watch Gone With The Wind
get out of debt
go hiking
meet my adorable, nice neighbor across the path
buy new boots
go to boston
learn to shoot film
form a running group (for slow people)
go longboarding
go skiing
go to an aquarium
go to a museum
have a dinner party
go to the Getty Villa
bake bread
fit into all the jeans in my closet
finish reading the Little House on the Prairie series
It's very convenient to start a new year and a new age at the same time. I celebrate a new year on January 1st and January 3rd. I've always loved my birth date.
Looking back on this year the thing I remember most is that I went to work. Then when I got off of work I went to work again, just at a different job. Then when I got off work again, I went home and worked more. I remember exhaustion. I remember a lot of tears. I remember feeling completely lost. I remember feeling like I'd lost myself, my sense of humor, my ability to have fun, my ability to manage my life. I remember feeling a lot like this.
But, I also remember a family I can't get enough of, parents who were more understanding and compassionate than I ever knew they could be, sisters and friends who'd walk to hell and back with me just so I'd have a shoulder to cry on, friend's parents who worry about me like I am one of their own, a bishop who let me cry about my job/financial/life situation every time I walked into his office and never made me feel embarrassed about it, a friend who loved me without even knowing my name (may she rest in peace), being able to simultaneously call 3 different people my 'best friend'. I remember Switzerland & Spain, puzzles and pictures. I remember being happy. I remember being hopeful.
Thank you, 2010.
In 2011, 33 year old me will nurture my spirituality, work less, work smarter, have more fun, lots more fun, be more adventurous, take care of my body, take care of my home and take the one big risk I was too scared to take in 2010.
The first song I listened to in 2011 and my theme song for the year:
stop putting off going to the grand canyon and go to the grand canyon already -Check! Best 4 hour drive to see a big hole I've ever taken. It's just too bad about the Frosty fob.
read "Les Miserable" (unabridged) - Fail. I didn't even buy it.
get rid of everything in my closet that doesn't reflect my true style (attempt replenishing) - Fail. I still hate almost all of my clothes.
send Thank You cards - Fail. This does not mean that I was unthankful.
quit at least one of my jobs - Check! Too bad I unquit. Now I just have to requit.
ride a razor scooter in Europe - 1/2Check. I went. I saw an old man in a suit riding a razor scooter in Basel. Sadly, I did not ride a razor scooter while there. Bitchin' trip though! Please watch this video.
piece a quilt - Fail.
go to the temple monthly - Mega Fail. At least I went once. Yes. Just once. Oh man...
learn to make stir fry like my mom - Fail.
start a beach cruiser bike gang - Check! Best damn beach cruiser gang ever. We don't even need a beach! (Thank goodness the BlackWidow blogged everything for me)
turn a photo into a jigsaw puzzle - Fail. Sad fail. But you should see my puzzle collection. I'm thinking about building a special closet for it.
throw a fancy party - Fail.
crash a wedding - Fail.
go to calico ghost town - Check! Probably one of the most amazing days of my life.
go to 20 concerts/live shows - Check. Too easy. Best of? Fun. And Keane.
photoshoot at the dry lake bed - Fail. Meh.
go to a play - Fail.
have a mohawk... or fauxhawk - Fail. Didn't even have anywhere cool to wear one. Then again, isn't my life just a cool enough place to wear one?
do tin foil dinners - Fail.
keep my room clean for two consecutive weeks - Epic Fail. Couldn't even keep it clean for two consecutive days.
post more pics on le blog - Fail. Ya know... cuz I didn't even blog.
knit something - Fail.
attend a photography workshop - Check! Very, very successful check.
put shelves in my storage room - Fail.
learn to play the ukelele - Check! I learned 3 chords. Which means I can play one song... which is probably one more song than you know.
go hiking in Zion - Fail.
watch a meteor shower - Fail. Did we even have one of those this year?
go kayaking - Fail.
road trip with just one other person - Fail. Unless you count driving across town.
read the book of mormon in french - Fail. Again, I say: Oh man...
pay off my car loan - Check! Getting the title in the mail was the second best piece of mail I've ever gotten.
go to a rave - Fail.
9 of 32. Considering the hell of a year it was I am actually amazed and proud that I even checked that many items off my list. Despite the hell of a year it was, it was a good year. A real good year.
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