Day 5 of Gratitude

Today, I'm grateful that I seriously injured my car by backing into a stucco pillar and will most likely need to get my entire rear bumper replaced.

Oh... except that I'm not grateful for that at all. In fact, I'm really upset about that. Stupid accident. Should have paid better attention.

So, for realsies... Today, I'm grateful for a really enjoyable night at a job I usually hate to go to.

Day 4 of Gratitude

Yes, people. This really is going to happen everyday this month. Get used to it.

Today I'm grateful for ChaCha being a fat kid with me and stopping at two fast food joints to fulfill our cravings. It's good to have friends who will support you in your bad habits.

I should also say that I'm grateful that ChaCha went to the temple with me. I definitely needed a friend as it had been a very long time (cough cough seven months cough cough) since I've gotten there. I'll spare you the reasons why (and no it's not because I wasn't worthy... what kind of a girl do you think I am? Don't answer that). It's also good to have friends who will encourage you to get better habits.

Day 3 of Gratitude

A stoplight. The breakroom. In line. Eating.

These are the little moments I'm grateful for today. Stolen moments wherein I can enter a literary world so different or so similar to my own. Sometimes a sentence, sometimes a paragraph, sometimes a few pages. I cherish these moments.

I always carry a book with me. Always. In the rare instances when I've forgotten it I panic. I feel like my left arm has been cut off. Waiting in line, at a stoplight, anywhere without a book is excruciating (only a slight exaggeration, I think).

The thing is: I love books. I love reading. I love passages that describe something so perfectly. I love learning. I love escaping to another world. I love connecting with myself through other's experiences. So not only am I grateful for the few moments in each day when I get to read, I am grateful for a conscious decision I made at the age of 21 to learn to love reading.

Day 2 of Gratitude

I'm grateful that I finally found someone to play Battleship with me.
And, that that someone bought me pizza and ice cream, too.

sidenote:
This is the same box that I have for (one of) my battleship game(s). I bought it at D.I. a few months ago because it was the same version I grew up with. I know I shouldn't find this funny but notice where the women are. Yes, in the kitchen doing dishes. Lovesit.

Feet meet Street

This morning I was watching the telecast of the ING NYC Marathon and heaven help me if I didn't cry through the whole thing.

I was pulling for Paula Radcliffe and Ryan Hall naturally. But as they fell back and the finish line neared my attention was turned.

Derartu Tulu was strong. She sprinted away from the competition looking like she could run another 26.2 miles. But it wasn't her win that impressed me most. It was her character.

"She ran alongside me and was like, come on, come on. We can do it, we can do it," a disappointed Radcliffe told reporters.
"Even when the girls took off she kind of waited with me a bit. But that's Derartu, She's always been like that." [Source]

I cried alongside Meb Keflezighi as he crossed the finish line with USA written across his chest and broke down in tears. Tears of joy. Tears of exhaustion. Mine were tears of awe. Tears of gratitude and pride in someone who became a citizen just over a decade ago yet represents the spirit of this nation better than most who have lived here forever.

It wasn't just the runners that moved me. It was running in general. There is something very special about running. I can't describe exactly what it is nor can you know unless you've allowed your feet to meet the street. Perhaps it has something to do with putting miles behind you, not only literally, but figuratively. Something to do with letting go of the past and embracing what lies ahead of you. Something to do with having the courage to do what and go where you never thought you could. Perhaps it has something to do with conquering a particular distance, a particular course that reveals your physical strength and mental tenacity. Something to do with teaching you about yourself and your ability to conquer the challenging course of everyday life.

Whatever it is. Running is special.

And, after a year long hiatus I am ready once again for my feet to meet the street.

Day 1 of Gratitude

I'm grateful that I never have to cover my entire face in black makeup or spray my hair black ever again.

Though the results were super awesome. Happy Halloween.

Get it?

MIX TAPE of LOVE

Attention- THIS IS A CONTEST. And, I want you to enter.

The other day I was driving around and listening to my ipod, George Michael (named in honor of the great George Micheal and George Michael Bluth). So, I started thinking about mixed tapes and how it would be nice to have someone to make a mix tape for... you know... someone like a boyfriend. And, I was also thinking about how there is so much amazing music out there that I don't even know about and how I know a lot of great music that other people don't know about and how it would be really awesome to share it all. Because, who needs a significant other just to enjoy love songs. Also, I go to a lot of weddings. I always laugh when a DJ plays a song that sounds like a love song because it's slow and pretty but really if you listen to the words you realize it's a breakup song. Gets me every time. I also spend a lot (more than is healthy) of time thinking about wedding videos and songs that would be awesome on a wedding video. Anyway...

Thus was born in my mind the "Mix Tape of Love" contest. So will you enter?

Here are the rules:

1) Mix Tapes must be submitted to me in the form of a CD (I know... seems wrong to call it a tape) via hand delivery or mail. Email me at cropstar5 at hotmail dot com and I will email you back my address.
2) MToL entries must have a minimum of 10 songs and a maximum of 20 songs.
3) The first half of the MToL must contain super cheesy, cliche love songs that you are embarassed to admit you love. The second half of the MToL must contain really amazing, rad love songs- the kind that you listen to on repeat for hours on end.
4) Entries must include a playlist including song names and artists.
5) Entries must be received by December 1st. That gives you one month, people.
6) Points will be given to cheesy love songs that make me laugh. Points will be given to amazing love songs that make me hit repeat. Points will also be granted based on originality and creativity.
7) The Winner will be declared... as soon as I listen to all the CDs (depending on how many entries there are... you know, like if all 1 of you who still read this blog want to enter).
8) All playlists will be posted here when the winner is announced.
9) The Winner will receive, um, something really cool. Like an iTunes gift card. All entries will receive some sort of prize (though it probably won't be as cool as a gift card).

For reals- spread the word to everyone you know, especially all the music connoisseurs you can think of. The more playlists we get, the more amazing music we all discover. It's a win, win, win situation, n'est-ce pas?

Edit- Bonus point for including a break up song posing as a love song. You know, the kind you'd hear at a wedding.

the climb

Hello? (echo... echo...)

I know I have no right showing my face around here after abandoning you. But, there is something really important I need to share with you.

It's this: Miley Cyrus is right.

Wanna see what my bedroom looks like?
This:
I'm not kidding you people, I disgust myself. I cannot believe the filth I allow myself to live it.

If ones bedroom is a reflection of one's life I'll give you one guess what my life feels like.
The correct answer is: chaos.

Perhaps chaos is the reason there's been no blogging. Any given day for me involves running between 4 different jobs (yes... four), trying to maintain some semblance of a social life (thus maintaining my sanity, and that's not even an exaggeration) and what little energy I have left for spirituality, cleanliness, nutrition and sleep. Obviously, there has been no energy left for the latter 4 (yet I seem to have enough time to facebook and don't you dare judge me).

Life has been pretty crazy lately. I haven't really had (taken?) the time to process through the daily emotions so they've been accumulating. For months.

I photographed another wedding today. It was great. But, weddings are stressful. Very. Being responsible for the lasting memories a bride and groom have of their special day is a lot of pressure. It was awesome. Yet, it was the tipping point for me.

And that's when I found myself crying a little at the end of "Hannah Montana: The Movie". For those of you who haven't experienced the fine art that is HM:TM, at the end of the movie Miley (as Miley, mind you, not Hannah) sings The Climb. Let's not pretend you don't know and love the song... or that I didn't come home and purchase it on itunes and put it on repeat for the last... ahem... while (and if you really don't then you should just listen to it for the sake of knowing what I'm talking about here).

Here's the thing. The wedding really was great. I got to shoot alongside an amazing videographer and learned a ton from him. It was a beautiful day. The bride and groom were seriously two of the most quality, good people I've ever had the pleasure to meet. I was so genuinely happy for them. I feel like I got some beautiful shots. Then I started thinking about how I want... nay, need a new camera, lenses, a reflector, a video light, experience and more business. And, do we really even need to talk about the stress of trying to manage my daily schedule and figuring out where I need to be and when? Or, how all I really want is a husband and kids and I don't have that? Or, how I wish I was skinny and healthy and exercised all the time but haven't had (made?) time for it? Or, how I wish I could fix all my friends problems? Or, how I need to read the scriptures, pray and go to the temple but I can't find the motivation? Ugh. But, I digress...

I felt like I was on a high from the wedding until I started considering how much higher I want to and am able to get. I want to be good! I want to be great! I want to be amazing! And yet... getting to that higher level is going to take time and money (money that I don't have and have no idea how I'm going to get even though I feel like I work, and work, and work but can't even keep up with my current financial responsibilities and maybe I'm considering prostitution to get it... ok, not really) and hard work and innovation. And that realization was a little depressing and frustrating. I want it all. And I want it now.

Seriously, I wasn't even sure what I was feeling- happy? sad? loved? lonely? talented? inexperienced? hopeful? stressed?

And that's when Miley reminded me that:

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waitin' on the other side
It's the climb

And I knew she was right.
IT'S THE CLIMB, people!
It's the climb.

i think i can dance (aka- the day pasha hugged me)

Go HERE to see what I did last tuesday. Otherwise known as the greatest day of my life.

totally inappropriate humor

anyone who knows me knows i have the sense of humor of a 15 year old boy.

which is why:

a) i laughed myself to tears last weekend when at the circus (that's right... the CIRCUS! the circus at circus circus!) the announcer said of the juggler, "now watch as he manipulates seven balls!" didn't help that the guy was wearing skin tight pleather pants.

and

b) why i found this really funny: