i'm probably not back for good

why is it that every time i say "i'm baaack!" i'm not really back?

perhaps it's all just wishful thinking... or wishful speaking, as it were.

so, what's what? good question.

life continues in an extended holding pattern. after 3 years, i still answer "i don't know" when my mother asks me what i'm going to do about my life. and yet, i feel change creeping over the horizon. good change? to be determined.

i may be orphaned. i may be relocated. i may be happier. i may be lonelier. i may be poorer (as if that were actually possible). but what i will be doing is going forward. daring to change. and it scares me to death and excites me to no end.

the important thing is this:

to be able, at any moment,

to sacrifice what we are

for what we could become.

-charles dubois