24 October 2011

Calm amidst the Storm

Today was not a good day. In fact, today was a really horrible, no good day. Stupid things happened. Frustrating things happened. Infuriating things happened. And I felt the stress of it all. And I cursed. And I cried. And I couldn't understand why so many bad things have to happen to me all of the time.

And then I stopped. And I watched. And I remembered that, this is life. It's ok if it's hard. It's supposed to be hard. But that doesn't mean I have to be hardened. So I quit whining.

I am not alone in this. I have angels all around me. We all do. We are each others angels. And if I really look, I see miracles. I know Heavenly Father is actively participating in my life. If I pause, and look, I can see His hand in my life every single day. When I acknowledge the love and support I feel each day from my friends, my family and my Father in Heaven, in that moment I truly feel peace, even if it is amongst the storm.

you really must watch these. they are amazing.

*Many thanks to me and ma vie for the reminder

12 October 2011

random... not randon

calle strand. he's pretty. google him.

6 batches of zucchini bread later... i have a lot of zucchini bread.

16 more days til maui/oahu.

i made some homemade halloween decorations (at home).

after 2 runs i can confidently refer to myself as a runner again. i'll never be a great runner. but i'll never not be a runner.

20 September 2011

i'm probably not back for good

why is it that every time i say "i'm baaack!" i'm not really back?

perhaps it's all just wishful thinking... or wishful speaking, as it were.

so, what's what? good question.

life continues in an extended holding pattern. after 3 years, i still answer "i don't know" when my mother asks me what i'm going to do about my life. and yet, i feel change creeping over the horizon. good change? to be determined.

i may be orphaned. i may be relocated. i may be happier. i may be lonelier. i may be poorer (as if that were actually possible). but what i will be doing is going forward. daring to change. and it scares me to death and excites me to no end.
the important thing is this:
to be able, at any moment,
to sacrifice what we are
for what we could become.
-charles dubois

12 April 2011

any one still here?

hello my pretties,
i just wanted you to know that my life just changed big time. like, my life will seriously never, ever be the same. and i'm so pumped about it i'm using words like 'pumped'.

so i just wanted to let you know that i'll be here more often. and i was also wondering if anyone was still here. anyone? (echo... echo...)

for an idea of what's new head on over to the photo blog... but not until after i've posted about my weekend. here's a hint:
photo via

09 January 2011

33 for 33

I was sorely tempted to put "steal a baby" on this list (I've got my eye on a few of them) but I decided to keep things legal (at least for the time being).
  1. read the Book of Mormon in french
  2. ride a horse
  3. take my mom to Italy
  4. blog... regularly
  5. run 5 races
  6. get medical insurance
  7. piece a quilt
  8. go to Disneyland
  9. watch Gone With The Wind
  10. get out of debt
  11. go hiking
  12. meet my adorable, nice neighbor across the path
  13. buy new boots
  14. go to boston
  15. learn to shoot film
  16. form a running group (for slow people)
  17. go longboarding
  18. go skiing
  19. go to an aquarium
  20. go to a museum
  21. have a dinner party
  22. go to the Getty Villa
  23. bake bread
  24. fit into all the jeans in my closet
  25. finish reading the Little House on the Prairie series
  26. go to a pawn shop
  27. go camping
  28. buy from bountiful baskets
  29. have a "shooting strangers" day
  30. do a 52 week photo challenge
  31. skype with a far away friend
  32. memorize a few songs on the piano
  33. move (to austin. or australia.)

03 January 2011

I can't remember how old I am

Today is my birthday.

It's very convenient to start a new year and a new age at the same time. I celebrate a new year on January 1st and January 3rd. I've always loved my birth date.

Looking back on this year the thing I remember most is that I went to work. Then when I got off of work I went to work again, just at a different job. Then when I got off work again, I went home and worked more. I remember exhaustion. I remember a lot of tears. I remember feeling completely lost. I remember feeling like I'd lost myself, my sense of humor, my ability to have fun, my ability to manage my life. I remember feeling a lot like this.

But, I also remember a family I can't get enough of, parents who were more understanding and compassionate than I ever knew they could be, sisters and friends who'd walk to hell and back with me just so I'd have a shoulder to cry on, friend's parents who worry about me like I am one of their own, a bishop who let me cry about my job/financial/life situation every time I walked into his office and never made me feel embarrassed about it, a friend who loved me without even knowing my name (may she rest in peace), being able to simultaneously call 3 different people my 'best friend'. I remember Switzerland & Spain, puzzles and pictures. I remember being happy. I remember being hopeful.

Thank you, 2010.

In 2011, 33 year old me will nurture my spirituality, work less, work smarter, have more fun, lots more fun, be more adventurous, take care of my body, take care of my home and take the one big risk I was too scared to take in 2010.

The first song I listened to in 2011 and my theme song for the year:

32 for 32 - recap

  1. stop putting off going to the grand canyon and go to the grand canyon already - Check! Best 4 hour drive to see a big hole I've ever taken. It's just too bad about the Frosty fob.
  2. read "Les Miserable" (unabridged) - Fail. I didn't even buy it.
  3. get rid of everything in my closet that doesn't reflect my true style (attempt replenishing) - Fail. I still hate almost all of my clothes.
  4. send Thank You cards - Fail. This does not mean that I was unthankful.
  5. quit at least one of my jobs - Check! Too bad I unquit. Now I just have to requit.
  6. ride a razor scooter in Europe - 1/2Check. I went. I saw an old man in a suit riding a razor scooter in Basel. Sadly, I did not ride a razor scooter while there. Bitchin' trip though! Please watch this video.
  7. piece a quilt - Fail.
  8. go to the temple monthly - Mega Fail. At least I went once. Yes. Just once. Oh man...
  9. learn to make stir fry like my mom - Fail.
  10. start a beach cruiser bike gang - Check! Best damn beach cruiser gang ever. We don't even need a beach! (Thank goodness the BlackWidow blogged everything for me)
  11. turn a photo into a jigsaw puzzle - Fail. Sad fail. But you should see my puzzle collection. I'm thinking about building a special closet for it.
  12. throw a fancy party - Fail.
  13. crash a wedding - Fail.
  14. go to calico ghost town - Check! Probably one of the most amazing days of my life.
  15. go to 20 concerts/live shows - Check. Too easy. Best of? Fun. And Keane.
  16. photoshoot at the dry lake bed - Fail. Meh.
  17. go to a play - Fail.
  18. have a mohawk... or fauxhawk - Fail. Didn't even have anywhere cool to wear one. Then again, isn't my life just a cool enough place to wear one?
  19. do tin foil dinners - Fail.
  20. keep my room clean for two consecutive weeks - Epic Fail. Couldn't even keep it clean for two consecutive days.
  21. post more pics on le blog - Fail. Ya know... cuz I didn't even blog.
  22. knit something - Fail.
  23. attend a photography workshop - Check! Very, very successful check.
  24. put shelves in my storage room - Fail.
  25. learn to play the ukelele - Check! I learned 3 chords. Which means I can play one song... which is probably one more song than you know.
  26. go hiking in Zion - Fail.
  27. watch a meteor shower - Fail. Did we even have one of those this year?
  28. go kayaking - Fail.
  29. road trip with just one other person - Fail. Unless you count driving across town.
  30. read the book of mormon in french - Fail. Again, I say: Oh man...
  31. pay off my car loan - Check! Getting the title in the mail was the second best piece of mail I've ever gotten.
  32. go to a rave - Fail.
9 of 32.
Considering the hell of a year it was I am actually amazed and proud that I even checked that many items off my list. Despite the hell of a year it was, it was a good year. A real good year.