Calm amidst the Storm

Today was not a good day. In fact, today was a really horrible, no good day. Stupid things happened. Frustrating things happened. Infuriating things happened. And I felt the stress of it all. And I cursed. And I cried. And I couldn't understand why so many bad things have to happen to me all of the time.

And then I stopped. And I watched. And I remembered that, this is life. It's ok if it's hard. It's supposed to be hard. But that doesn't mean I have to be hardened. So I quit whining.

I am not alone in this. I have angels all around me. We all do. We are each others angels. And if I really look, I see miracles. I know Heavenly Father is actively participating in my life. If I pause, and look, I can see His hand in my life every single day. When I acknowledge the love and support I feel each day from my friends, my family and my Father in Heaven, in that moment I truly feel peace, even if it is amongst the storm.

you really must watch these. they are amazing.





*Many thanks to me and ma vie for the reminder

Jacob & Lisa: give them a baby

Apparently this has turned into a Mom Blog. But, I'm not the mom.

Meet my dear friend Lisa and her husband Jacob (who I'm sure would be my dear friend if we lived anywhere near each other and spent any quality time together because the guy is awesome). There is a very special spot in my heart for these guys. I'm not sure why but you know when people come into your life and you just adore them? That's what happened when I met Lisa and subsequently Jacob.
These guys were just approved to adopt! Hurrah!
You can read their beautiful profile HERE.

Please, if you or anyone you know of is looking for some awesome parents, consider them. If I had a baby I'd give it to them because I'm 100% sure they will be way better parents than I could ever be!

Day 22 of Gratitude

Today I really, truly am grateful for all things church (except the last talk in Sacrament Meeting, because, boring!).

I'm grateful for the Lord's patience with me when I'm being stubborn. I'm grateful that when I decide I'm ready to listen, I can hear what He needs to tell me, whether it be through the Apostles, the Bishop, the Relief Society teacher or the teenager who was forced to speak in Sac Mtg.

Recession Schmecession

There's a recession going on. Did ya know?

Seems that every time you turn on the television there are endless reports of economic doom and gloom. Frankly I think the media is doing more to harm the economy than anything economic. But I digress...

If you're one who has not felt the effects of the economic downturn then I implore you to be grateful. Get down on your knees and thank the good Lord. I for one have felt it. Intensely. I still have a job, yes. But my once booming employment is merely a shadow of what it was just a few years ago when we were turning away work we couldn't handle. Now we are chomping at the bit for any scrap of work that falls our way. For the past few months I've been billing about half of what I'm used to, becoming something of a part time employee with a lot of lovely (unpaid) days off simply for the lack of work. And while I immensely enjoy not working, I enjoy money (ie. the ability to pay my bills) even more. And for a gal with a mortgage, car payment, credit card bills, etc this economic downturn has daily forced me to my knees pleading for the Lord to work His mighty miracles in behalf of my coworkers and myself.

Confession. I love Joel Osteen. Love 'im. He spoke of God's power and I completely agree with him about what can happen when we put our faith in the Almighty.

God is ready to present you with new opportunities. He wants to open new doors before you. It doesn’t matter what’s happening in the world around you, in the economy, the housing industry, or with job reports; God’s Word still remains true. He rewards the people who seek after Him. He’s not the least bit concerned about how He’s going to supply your needs. There is no recession in heaven. He has His eye on you, and He still opens doors that no one can shut! In an instant, He can bring the right people into your life, the right opportunities, and the right resources to take you to a new level.
But in order to go to a higher level, you have to have a higher way of thinking. You can’t stay focused on what’s happening in the natural nor allow worry and fear to fill your thoughts. Remember, God’s ways are higher than our ways. He is working on our behalf behind the scenes in the supernatural realm. Choose to keep an attitude of faith and expectancy. As you do, you’ll move forward through the open doors of blessing God has prepared for you.

My life is more awesome than yours.

I am an intrinsically happy person. I always have been. Of course that doesn't mean that I don't have my off days, my moments of worry, stress and sadness. But it never takes long before I can respond "I'm great!" and mean it when people ask me how I'm doing.

I live a blessed life. Seriously, I must have won the life lottery in Heaven or something because I know I haven't earned 1/100 of the good things I enjoy in life. I feel like everything in life has been handed to me on a silver platter. Of course, I haven't yet received everything I want in life (like, ya know... a husband or unlimited wealth... but I'm sure those things are coming) but I can't deny that I've received everything I need and almost all of what I want.

In short? Life is good!

Saturday I was a busy bee all morning doing chores around my beautiful little cottage of a home and just thinking about all the things that make me happy, all the things that make my life wonderful, all my blessings. When I was in college I kept a running list on the last page of my journal called my "Happy List". I wrote down every little thing that made me happy. So, here's today's happy list in a little more detail and in no particular order:

1. I have a job. In and of itself that's pretty great, especially considering the economic state of our country, world, etc. I complain a lot about having to sit at a desk for 8 hours a day, trying to concentrate, having to deal with idiot clients and trying to manage my projects and my boss's recent bout of micromanaging. But, every time I get my paycheck I remember how blessed I am to have a college education (thanks mom & dad!) and a job that allows me to live a comfortable life. And to add icing to the cake I'm grateful to have a boss that doesn't say anything to me about how late I stroll into the office most days (believe me, this is a BIG deal for someone who hates mornings as much as I do).


2. I am so healthy. Well, let's be honest... now that I'm in my advanced years sometimes I feel really old. But, that's just life. I am so grateful for a strong body that is able to do what I ask it to. I very rarely get sick. All my limbs and organs work properly. Also, I have awesome hair.


3. My family is always there for me. I'm am the youngest and therefore have my entire family wrapped around my little finger. This I know. But I try not to use my powers for evil (most of the time). But, knowing that my family would drop everything at a moments notice to help me with whatever I need provides a ridiculous amount of comfort and stability. And I am never more myself than I am with my family (read: acting like a 6 year old). My family is "good people". My sisters are adored by all and are my best friends. My parents used plenty of words to raise me up in the way I should go but I learned critically important life lessons from their example: read the scriptures daily, always go to church, write in your journal, give to others and always wash the baseboards.


4. I love (and I mean LOVE) being 30. I don't necessarily love the number or the fact that I'm getting older and closer to death while watching my life flash by. But... the awesome part about getting to this age is that I know who I am and I am totally fine with it. I am so beyond caring about what other people think of me. I've finally come into my own. Quel relief! I spent the bulk of my childhood being too shy to speak to anyone who wasn't my immediate family or my best friend. I spent the bulk of my teen years trying to blend into the background. I spent the bulk of my early 20s liking bands I didn't really like because the boy I liked liked them, being too scared to go anywhere on my own for fear that people might think I'm friendless, being too shy to meet new people if they didn't approach me first, harnessing my inner freak (and I mean that in a totally non-slutty way). Let's face it folks... I'm cah-razy! Seriously. Sometimes it kind of weirds me out how unshy I can be, how unabashedly I can make a fool of myself in public, how much I love talking to strangers. So, my gratitude is directed towards every uncomfortable moment in my life that has forced me out of my shell and formed me into the person I am now.

And now the short list:


1. Awesome friends.
2. Singstar!
3. Red Velvet Cupcakes.
4. Dancing, dancing and more dancing.
5. A clean house.
6. A full tank of gas.
7. Cool autumn evenings.
8. Laughing until I cry.

end of an era

Well folks, it finally happened.

This last sunday I was released from my calling as Relief Society president after 3 years and 2 months of service. Whew. I don't know how the sisters put up with me for so long. I always said that they weren't keeping me in because I was good at the calling but that they were keeping me in until I got it right. I think they finally gave up ;) But, truth be told I feel absolutely privileged and blessed to have had the opportunity to serve in this capacity. I have served with 3 amazing Bishoprics, numerous councilors and secretaries and gotten to know so many amazing sisters.

I'd begun to lose hope that I'd ever get released. But I was ok with that because I really did love my calling and I had an INCREDIBLE presidency that I was blessed to work with since our ward split. They carried me through the last year and we just had so much fun together and tried to carry that fun onto our sisters. And not only did we have fun but we had the Spirit. Big time. Great combination.

When I got the official word of my release from the bishop I had a huge grin on my face that didn't go away for the entire week. It wasn't until Relief Society on sunday where we delivered our "final testimonies" that it really hit me. The mixed emotion of it all. It was time. I was tired. I was so happy to be released. But I was sad to let it all go. When I stood up to speak to the sisters for the last time as RSP my happy, smiley, relieved self turned into a blubbering, sobbing idiot. All the love that I had for every sister that I ever served and served with suddenly hit me like a brick wall and I could not contain my emotions. It was intense joy mixed with a bit of mourning. I realized that I'd no longer carry the mantle, that they were no longer "my girls" and that was both a happy and sad thought. It is a heavy, happy burden that I am now passing on to one of my dear, dear friends.

I am SO excited about the new presidency! They are going to be phenomenal. And even though I'm relieved to be released I'm also a bit envious of them and all the amazing experiences they are going to have.

It'll be an interesting transition to only go to church for 3 hours on sunday, to not run around all crazy-like making sure everything is ready for RS and not having to sit at the front of the room. But after reflecting over the amazing experiences I've had in the last 3 years I am so proud of what we were able to accomplish and there are lessons that I pray I will never forget. I've learned that everyone has something amazing about them. Everyone is precious to our Heavenly Father. Everyone is worthy of being loved. We all need to be loved. We all need to serve. And more than anything, even though we as members of the church are far from perfect, the Church and it's programs are perfect. Jesus Christ is our Lord and Savior and His Atonement is real!

Amen and amen.

Tonight I had a chat with God. And then He had a chat with me.

*Sorry that only a few of you will understand this. If you would like a translation I'll give you one but you'll have to ask. It needed to be written en francais because that's how it happened. Pardonnez mes fautes.

Ce soir je me suis mis a genoux en prier a mon Pere Celeste. J'etais completement epuisee alors, je lui ai exprime mes frustrations, mes craintes. Et puis il m'a dit (alma 34:37-41 avec quelques changements):

"Et maintenant, ma soeur bien-aimee, je desire que tu te souvienes de ces choses, et que tu travaillais a ton salut avec crainte devant Dieu, et que tu ne niais plus la venue du Christ; que tu ne combattais plus le Saint-Esprit, mais que tu le recevais et prenais sur toi le nom du Christ; que tu t'humiliais jusqu'a la poussiere, et adorais Dieu, en quelque lieu que tu te trouvais, en esprit et en verite; et que tu vivais quotidiennement dans les actions de graces pour les misericordes et les nombreuses benedictions qu'il t'accorde. Oui, et je t'exhorte aussi, ma soeur, a veiller a prier continuellement, afin de ne pas etre egares par les tentations du diable, afin qu'il n'ait pas le dessus sur toi, afin de ne pas devenir son sujet au dernier jour car voici, il ne te donne rien de bon en recompense. Et maintenant, ma soeur bien-aimee, je voudrais t'exhorter a avoir de la patience et a supporter les afflictions de toutes sortes, a ne pas injurier ceux qui te chassent a cause de ton 'etant celibataire' (j'ai acune idee comment ce dire meme en anglais), de peur que tu ne devenais pecheuse comme eux, mais a avoir de la patience et a supporter ces afflictions dans la ferme esperance que tu te reposerais un jour de toutes tes afflictions."

Et tout a coup, j'etais bien humblee. Et on puisse etre assure qu'il y avait des larmes.

each life that touches ours for good...

They say you can judge a person by their friends. If that's true then I am amazing. The Lord's hand has constantly been at work in my life creating for me a network of amazing friends, some lifelong, some recent.

While I was at home for Thanksgiving I got to spend some time with 2 of my best friends, their husbands and kids. It was a pleasure that I know will be repeated in the years to come because those friendships will never be taken for granted. Now, that I'm back home I'm looking forward to spending time with my day-to-day friends, most of whom I've only known for a few months. And no matter the time of day or where I am in the world I can create and cultivate friendships with those I've never seen face to face.

While some are lasting and some are temporary, I've always counted myself blessed to have great friends in my life. I've often thought that if I had one wish for this world it wouldn't be the cliche wish for world peace. It would be that every single person have a friend. Because no joy and no sorrow is complete without a friend to multiply or divide it. So, here's cheers to you, dear friends!

"It is one of the blessings of old friends
that you can afford to be stupid with them"
Ralph Waldo Emerson

"It is not so much our friends' help that
helps us as the confident knowledge that they will help us"
Epicurus

and they pray

you know when you say you're going to do something then you forget about it? that's kind of what's been happening with my weekly sabbath post. doh! but, since i was on vacation the previous 2 sundays of this month i figure it was ok to vacay from the posting thing. but, now i have no excuse. anyway... on with it.

i've had my current church calling for the past 2-1/2 years (i know, tell me about it!) and i still have no idea what i'm doing. in anything else in life i'd think 2-1/2 years is plenty of time to figure things out. but in this case, i'm totally fine not knowing what i'm doing because it's not really my call. it's the Lord's. this is His business and the only thing i need to know is what He wants me to do. so, i pray. hard. everyday i ask Him to guide me to do whatever it is that He needs me to do that day. this is what i've learned: it works (at least in this instance... i still have yet to figure out how prayer, faith & the Lord's will for my life all work but that's a different post for a different day *sigh*).

it wasn't the first time it's happened, but sunday i had 2 separate moments at church where i knew what was coming out of my mouth wasn't coming from my brain. those words were the Lord's and i was extremely humbled and grateful that i was able be an instrument for Him to bless others (i hope).

as i was leaving church i joked to one of my favorite sisters that she needs to start praying for me. at this she replied, with a straight face and a serious tone, "i pray for you every day. and every time i go to the temple i put your name on the prayer roll." to which i replied, "....." i was speechless. i finally uttered a "thank you" which seemed entirely not enough for what i felt. even now, after having time to process it, i still can't even put into words how much i appreciate those prayers- hers and others- and why. especially why. it means everything.

i certainly don't serve in my calling for laud and honor. in fact, some might say it's a thankless job. that's not true. there are plenty of sweet rewards for what i get to do. but i'm not going to lie. it does feel good when people tell me i'm doing a good job. i know i'm not the best at what i do and certainly there are many others who could be doing a much better job than i'm doing. but the thanks, encouragement and especially the prayers i do get are sweet rewards that help me remember to do my best. and that's all the Lord has asked me to do. my best. not some one else's best.

through humble prayer, diligent preparation, and faithful service, we can succeed in our sacred callings
~thomas s monson

i have been driven many times to my knees by the overwhelming conviction that i had no where else to go
~abraham lincoln

miracles

All I will say this week is that God can and will perform miracles.

2 Nephi 7

"...O House of Israel, is my hand shortened at all that it cannot redeem, or have I no power to deliver? ...For the Lord God will help me, therefore shall I not be confounded... And the Lord is near, and he justifieth me. Who will contend with me? Let us stand together. Who is mine adversary? Let him come near me, and I will smite him with the strength of my mouth. For the Lord God will help me. "

He is all powerful, indeed. It's our job to just trust him.

Tuesday is the new Sunday

Maybe when I said that I would write a post every SUNDAY about seeing the Lord's hand in my life I meant that I would write every TUESDAY. I have problems. But anyway...
I'm not too proud to admit that I'm one of those single girls who wishes she was married with children. Bring it on. I know one day I'll be living the dream but in the interim I have to get my kid-hunger fix even if it means sacrificing a bit of my social life. So saturday night I volunteered to babysit Baver, 12mo (seriously, I've never seen a kid who drools more that him). I really like this kid so I was excited to spend a night with him. PT couldn't understand why I'd rather spend a weekend night with Baver than go out with my friends. Well, to be honest, my social life isn't that exciting.
Anyway... let's get to the point. Like all babies do, Baver had a breakdown when his mom walked out the door. I tried to distract him with the monkey toy that he seemed to love 5 minutes earlier but that didn't work so I took him to the piano, set him on my lap and started to play. I thought he might play along with me but instead he stopped crying, listened and watched, then fell asleep in my arms as I was playing. Maybe one of the most precious moments of my entire life! I just wanted to hit pause and stay in that moment for as long as I could.
It was one of those perfect moments where I held perfection and innocence in my arms. It was God's whispering reminder that this is what I'm preparing for. If I use this time wisely everything I do between now and motherhood could and should better equip me to love, protect and teach the spirits God will entrust to my care (not only the children but the husband as well).
It is no wonder the Lord counsels us to "becometh as a child". At that moment I could feel how pure and guiless Baver is. He put his trust in me to care for him and make everything safe and good for the time we were together. Likewise, all I have to do is put my trust in my Heavenly Father that he will make everything ok and just as it should be in my life. So, why do I have such a hard time believing that is true sometimes?

2 days late but not a dollar short

In conference last week Elder Eyring spoke exactly of what I hope to accomplish through my weekly post.

O Remember, Remember - Henry B Eyring

I wrote down a few lines every day for years. I never missed a day no matter how tired I was or how early I would have to start the next day. Before I would write, I would ponder this question:
“Have I seen the hand of God reaching out to touch us or our children or our family today?” As I kept at it, something began to happen. As I would cast my mind over the day, I would see evidence of what God had done for one of us that I had not recognized in the busy moments of the day. As that happened, and it happened often, I realized that trying to remember had allowed God to show me what He had done.

More than gratitude began to grow in my heart. Testimony grew. I became ever more certain that our Heavenly Father hears and answers prayers. I felt more gratitude for the softening and refining that come because of the Atonement of the Savior Jesus Christ. And I grew more confident that the Holy Ghost can bring all things to our remembrance—even things we did not notice or pay attention to when they happened.

I had an awesome experience at Institute on thursday. It was one of the best classes I've ever been in, not because I was learning anything new, but because the Spirit was so strong. It was a testimony to me that the Lord's instruction to stand in holy places is to be taken literally as well as figuratively. As I was sitting in class I realized that it was by choice that I was there. I could have been doing a million other things that needed to be done but at that moment I felt there was no better place that I could have been. I've often heard in church lessons that we can keep ourselves out of trouble if we don't go certain places. But, how often do I consider the other hand wherein I can keep myself in line with the Spirit if I do go to certain places. It follows what Elder Oaks spoke of in conference last week about 'Good, Better, Best'.

I wish I could tell you everything we talked about but I won't. But this Ensign article is AMAZING!

As if the Spirit packed hour and a half of class wasn't enough, God, in all His great mercy, decided to drop a gem in my lap as I was leaving class. You see, for the last 2-1/2 years I've been serving as the RS Pres in my singles ward (clearly I still haven't gotten it right), which means it's my responsibility to minister to the spiritual and temporal welfare of the sisters. Honestly this is the best and hardest calling I've ever had. I love "My Girls" because in some capacity they feel like my children (and some of them almost could be since I'm a full decade *YIKES!* older than some of them). I'm in a constant state of worry about them so when I see or hear that they are on the right track I can't help but feel a sense of pride.

One of my first visiting teaching companions after I was called to this position was a sweet 19 year old who, for some reason or another, didn't always make it to Relief Society on Sunday. I knew from our visiting teaching experiences together that she had a knowledge and testimony of the gospel but still I was always especially concerned for her. Our ward split a while back and she was no longer on my list of sisters to worry about and it had been a long time since I'd seen her. Anyway... sorry, long explaination for a short story... So, thursday night after class I ran into her and got to chat for a bit. When I asked her what she'd been up to she told me she was getting ready to go on a mission to Romania. JOY! I was SO happy to hear that one of "my girls" (because once you are one you always will be one) is spiritually on track and preparing to serve the Lord as a full time missionary.

By no means would I claim to have anything to do with her decision to go on a mission (it's more likely that she's serving, not because of me, but inspite of me). But there is a part of me that feels the Lord giving me a pat on the back and saying, "Good job, kiddo."

Healing Waters

Conference was amazing, as always. I was able to attend the saturday afternoon session and feel the amazing spirit that fills the Conference Center. I love that place.

I had a lot of time to ponder on my drive to and fro Utah. What occurred to me is that I need to be more grateful for the blessings of the Gospel in my life. So, every sunday I'll post something about how I've seen the hand of the Lord in my life that week.

There is so much I could share this week as I've decided to rededicate myself to daily scripture study, nightly prayers on my knees, more faithful service in my calling, etc. But, all that I will say tonight is that I know that Christ can heal me. He can heal my broken heart and comfort me. He can heal me from the effects of sin and help me to change to become more like Him.

I love this song and it pretty much describes how I'm feeling right now:

Healing Waters by Michelle Tumes

I've built a bridge
All of my strength cannot cross over
I stand at the edge
The end of a road that I have followed
Sinking from the weight of my own world
Wanting the waves of Your ways to wash my feet

Healing Waters
Solace flows
Through the river of forgiveness to my soul
Oh, I need You
Healing Waters

Pour over me
Water to clean all my intentions
Baptizing streams
I swim in the freedom of redemption
Floating on the sea of purity
Knowing I can dive in the love that rescues me

Memories are raging high
Floods so deep they touch the sky
All the things I've done to You
All the parts of life untrue
Healing comes from outstretched hands
Saving me from what I am
Carry me

*PS- If you buy this song off of itunes be sure to get the version on the "Thomas Kinkade: Music of Light" CD. I like it a lot better than the one on her CD and it is the same version used in the video "Small & Simple Things" made by the San Jose Mission.